Are you a stay-at-home mom or a homemaker? Is there really a difference between the two? Furthermore, who can actually claim either title?
In this post, we are going to dive into the homemaking topic and explore whether there is a difference between a stay-at-home mom and a homemaker. Does it matter which term you use to describe your role? Is ‘homemaker’ a more professional term for stay-at-home moms?
It’s natural to desire some form of validation from others for what we do and who we are. We all want to be liked and accepted in our friend groups, families, and communities.
But this desire for acceptance can too quickly become an unhealthy craving. We start to seek ways to improve our status, to obtain higher titles, and to appear bigger and more important to those around us.
We want others to believe we have it all together when maybe we don’t. We want to appear confident when maybe we aren’t. And when we don’t receive the validation that we hoped for, we start trying to prove ourselves.
So here enters the battle between the stay-at-home mom and the homemaker. Some mothers feel very strongly about which term they use.
But, here’s the question. Does the term really matter? By using the term homemaker versus SAHM, are we attempting to “upgrade our title” to prove our value to those around us?
Let’s spend some time talking about what each of these terms mean.
Another Word for Stay-at-Home Mom
We often hear the term homemaker being used in place of stay-at-home mom. Some moms prefer it, believing the word is maybe a bit more professional or more encompassing of what they do.
In essence, a homemaker is typically a mother (or wife) who cares for her home in a very detailed and special way. Homemakers aren’t just women who stay home, but women who stay home with a purpose. Mothers who not only want to keep the home tidy for their families but want their homes to be inviting and loving places their families love to come home to.
Homemakers go above and beyond to make the house more than just a house.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a homemaker as “one who manages a household, especially as a spouse and parent”. So homemakers are essentially the house managers. However, I would argue that it’s a little bit more than that.
One can manage a home in so many different ways. And I believe a homemaker is someone who manages well, manages intentionally and manages with extra care. Anyone can “manage” a home, but they may not do it well. Homemakers purposely strive to make home a special place of dwelling for their families.
Stay-at-Home Mom vs Homemaker
A stay-at-home mom is a mother who provides full-time care for her children and family at home. In most situations, her purpose is to take on the full-time role of taking care of all things children and home, while her husband is working to provide financially for the family.
That’s the way I view the role of being a stay-at-home mom. It’s a position that I have filled as a full-time caretaker for my family.
That’s it.
Now, you could be a lazy stay-at-home mom; a mother who simply stays home and does little to nothing, and is simply an adult presence in the home.
But generally speaking, you are the parent who foregoes a traditional money-making job to care for the family in a full-time capacity.
Is a Homemaker a Stay-at-Home Mom?
Okay, so let’s just get this out of the way. Not all stay-at-home moms are homemakers. And not all homemakers are stay-at-home moms.
Typically, a homemaker is thought to be a wife or mother who stays home full-time to manage the home. And in general, that seems to be the universally accepted meaning of what a homemaker is.
However, if the technical definition is simply someone who manages a household, you could still do that and work outside the home. You wouldn’t necessarily have to be a full-time stay-at-home mom to be a homemaker.
Nevertheless, we stay-at-home moms usually take ownership of this title because it is what we do full-time; we do all of the home managing like it was a 9 to 5 job. And some consider the term “homemaker” to be the more professional term vs using “stay-at-home mom” if you care about that sort of thing.
Now, just like anyone can technically be a homemaker, anyone can technically be a stay-at-home mom as well. Anyone can stay home with the kids. You could stay home and do absolutely nothing with the home or kids all day, and be considered a “stay-at-home mom”.
At the end of the day, regardless of which title you prefer, the real goal is to be a good stay-at-home mom or a good homemaker. The title really shouldn’t matter. You can refer to yourself however you want in this regard.
What matters most is that we’re putting an effort into our homes and families and being present instead of simply just being there.
So, stay-at-home mom vs homemaker? Well, you can be a SAHM without being a homemaker if you simply stay home to babysit your own kids and nothing else. But you can also be a homemaker and not be a stay-at-home mom, working hard to make your house a home when you get off from work.
It’s really all about the effort you’re putting into your home.
So, let’s not get so caught up in the terms, and just strive to be the best homemaking stay-at-home moms we can be.
What do Homemakers Do?
So, what exactly do homemakers do? What should you be doing all day as a homemaker or aspiring homemaker?
Stay-at-home mom vs homemaker duties are almost identical and overlap frequently. But a stay-at-home mom who wants to also be a good homemaker strives to create an environment where her family loves to be home. An environment where her children feel loved and safe, and where they feel embraced and cared for. And this extends to our husbands as well. We want our homes to be safe havens, places of rest and peace.
Typically, a homemaker performs all the same duties and responsibilities as a SAHM. However, as the name implies, a homemaker might go the extra mile to make the home feel special. Instead of just managing the household’s daily needs, a homemaker might add a special touch to make things feel extra special. For example, you might clean the kitchen as a standard responsibility. But thinking like a homemaker, you might follow up with a scented candle to add to the feel of the atmosphere.
However, it’s important to note that how we choose to make things special is going to look different from home to home. And it doesn’t necessarily have to involve baking extra cookies or the aesthetic of the home or lighting a scented candle.
Because let’s be honest, when you’re in a season of stay-at-home mom exhaustion, it’s very difficult to go that extra mile. If you’re anything like me, I am exhausted after cleaning the kitchen, for example. Once I’ve wiped the last counter, I toss that rag in the sink and call it a night. I definitely don’t have any extra energy.
Making a House a Home
Often when imagining a good housewife, stay-at-home mom, or homemaker, we have an image of a woman who does it all and some. Who bakes everything from scratch, irons and lays out her husband’s clothing for work, and makes sure her kids enjoy a five-course meal at every single meal.
Unfortunately, these images often depict a woman who is always pouring into others, but never pouring into her own cup. These images show a smiling woman, but you and I both know just how tiring it can be sometimes.
The issue with making homemaking solely about “what” we do is that it completely ignores what truly matters. And that’s “how” we go about it; our heart posture. Our joy and laughter can fill a home quicker than a scented candle. Or, a negative attitude can quickly diminish the intended effect of a batch of surprise cookies.
So, yes, a homemaker will typically do all of the same tasks as a stay-at-home mom. But if we must distinguish a difference between being a stay-at-home mom (a mom who just stays home) and a homemaker, the latter finds ways to make the home a place of peace and love, and a home worth returning to.
That can look like lighting candles, or baking cookies from scratch, but it can also be as simple as smiling at your kids when they come down for breakfast. Or spending extra time playing with them when they ask. Or stopping what you’re doing to give extra long hugs.
I’d argue that the extra hugs, the smiles, and the quality playtime are more important than a sparkly clean kitchen and freshly baked cookies. And that stands true whether you refer to yourself as a SAHM or a homemaker.
What Does the Bible Say About Being a Homemaker?
The Bible verse that is most referred to by Christians to instruct women to be homemakers is Titus 2:3.
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, ”to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.“ – Titus 2:3-4 KJV
Depending on what translation you read, it might say “workers at home” or to be “busy at home”. However, the actual work or list of duties a homemaker should do doesn’t appear in this verse. And even the word “homemaker” is a term that we’ve dubbed as the all-encompassing word to mean to “be at home working”.
It’s important as a Christian wife and mother to pay close attention to what this verse actually says. And here is why.
One thing that I love about the homemaking part of this scripture is that it’s so vague. It’s not very specific. It simply says for older women to teach their younger women to be keepers at home.
The ambiguity of this instruction allows so much freedom in the way in which we keep our homes. Amazingly, God gave us the home management position and left it up to us to decide what the detailed job description would include in each unique home.
I think the reason He doesn’t give us a laundry list of tasks and duties is that He expects that we will serve each of our families in a way that meets their specific needs. God knew that each family would be different from home to home, culture to culture, and generation to generation. So, the openness and freedom given in this area was intentional.
We have to be careful because there are a lot of instructions out there on how to be a good Christian homemaker. And while a lot of it can be helpful, most of the “homemaking do’s and don’t’s” are not listed in the Bible.
And it can be very easy to get caught up in trying to be a good Christian homemaker by someone else’s standards and not by God’s.
The Bible does not say you have to have dinner on the table at a specific time before your husband walks in the door. The Bible also doesn’t say the house has to be perfectly spotless all the time.
A lot of the tips and guidelines other homemakers share with their sisters in Christ, while well intended, can often cause burden, shame, and stress. But when you actually read God’s words, His instruction is light and simple. Be a keeper at home.
And your home-keeping versus another stay-at-home mom’s home-keeping will look different.
When the life of a homemaking stay-at-home mom becomes too challenging and overwhelming, we often turn to homemaking influencers or other women in our lives for guidance on how to ease the stress. And often, we walk away with more to do. We walk away feeling more overwhelmed or shamed because we are worse off than we thought.
But when you hold up the advice you receive and compare it to the Bible, most of it isn’t in there.
One of the beautiful things about Jesus is that His burden is light. Come all ye who are burdened (Matthew 11:28-29). And when we turn to Him instead of others, He will provide us with the peace we seek, and the clarity and wisdom.
So what does the Bible say about being a homemaker or stay-at-home mom? Well, the actual word homemaker isn’t in there. God isn’t interested in special titles. His instruction is simple. Love your husband and children, be obedient, and be keepers of your home. There is no stay-at-home mom vs homemaker war within the pages of God’s Bible.
So, What Do You Call a Stay-at-Home Mom?
Whether you refer to yourself as a stay-at-home mom or a homemaker isn’t really relevant. There is no special term for a stay-at-home mom that will fully encompass all that a SAHM is or does. It’s not about the title, but about the effort you put into your home and family.
Anyone can just stay home and be a “stay-at-home mom”. But anyone can also be a homemaker, even if they work full-time outside the house. But if you’re aiming to be a good stay-at-home mom who is also a good homemaker, it’s all about pouring into your home and family to the best of your ability, while also making sure you prioritize your own self-care.
We are all in different seasons of motherhood. While some stay-at-home moms may be in the season where they can bake cakes and cookies every week, or spend extra time setting up special activities every day, it’s okay if that is not your season.
Homemaking is going to look different in the various different seasons we go through as SAHMs. Homemaking as a SAHM to a newborn is going to look different from homemaking with a newborn, toddler, and two school-aged kids. It will look different if you’re homeschooling versus sending your kids to school. And it will look different from one home to the next.