Stay-at-home mom depression is, unfortunately, a real thing. If you simply Google the term, you’ll see dozens of articles (if not more) and other pieces of content talking about it. You’ll see mothers talking about being deeply unhappy in forums and online groups.
But the big question is, why?
We all know that motherhood can be challenging. Parenthood in general is challenging. And I’m sure that not many people will disagree with these statements.
So it’s not a surprise that stay-at-home motherhood is also challenging. It’s basically doing motherhood 24/7 with minimal breaks.
But what is it about being a stay-at-home mom specifically that leads to depression? And more importantly, how can struggling SAHMs fight and overcome this depression?
In this post, we will talk about the warning signs of stay-at-home mom depression, and how to stop it before you get there.
*Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional in any capacity. The advice and/or tips shared in this post are solely my opinion based on observation, research, and personal experience. If you are truly suffering from depression, please seek professional help. If you are a Christian, a faith-based professional would be a good place to start.
What is Stay-at-Home Mom Depression?
Let’s first dive into what stay-at-home mom depression is. This should help you to identify if you are suffering from it or identify signs that show you are heading in that direction.
As stated before, I am not a medical professional, so I thought it best to take the definition from a medical organization.
According to Medical News Today, stay-at-home mom depression is essentially depression that is fueled by the challenges of stay-at-home life. It’s a type of depression directly related to the unique challenges a SAHM faces daily.
According to their article, here are some stay-at-home mom depression symptoms to look out for:
- a feeling of sadness or being “low” that does not go away
- feeling hopeless or “empty”
- feeling irritable or frustrated often
- lack of interest in hobbies previously enjoyed
- difficulty focusing on certain tasks
You can learn about more symptoms in their list here. But, essentially, these stay-at-home mom depression symptoms are almost identical to general depression symptoms.
Additionally, they provide a list of negative feelings that can arise as a result of being a full-time caregiver. Here are they are:
- feeling isolated from other adults, only spending time with the children
- feeling burnt out from taking care of every aspect of the household, including all the childcare
- feeling a loss of purpose or identity, only existing to take care of others
- the pressure of tending to everyone and everything, often forsaking personal needs
As a stay-at-home mom myself, I can vouch for this list.
I think it’s safe to say that these negative feelings are things that we all may feel from time to time in certain seasons of motherhood.
However, the problem arises when these feelings and symptoms become persistent, constant, and overwhelming. When we are constantly feeling burnt out, or always feeling exhausted, or even feeling a loss of purpose every day of our lives, that is not a good place to be in.
That could be a sign that you are going down the road to depression, and it’s time to act fast.
Why Stay-at-Home Moms are Depressed
Being a stay-at-home mom has its own set of unique mom challenges. The negative feelings discussed in the previous section are only a few things that a SAHM might feel that could bring her down. But there are a lot of other reasons you might be unhappy as a stay-at-home mom.
But in general, most of the reasons we tend to feel depressed or down as stay-at-home moms boil down to these three reasons: 1) we are not resting, 2) we are not investing in ourselves, and 3) we have a negative mindset on being a stay-at-home mom.
Let’s break it down.
1) You are Not Resting!
When you spend the majority of your time with kids, you will be exhausted a lot of the time. Kids constantly need you for something, especially when they’re little, barely giving you a moment to yourself. You can often feel drained and depleted. On top of that, you’re managing the entire home by yourself and the work never seems to end.
You look back over your day or your week, and you realize you were constantly moving. You were on your feet doing something at any given moment, with the exception of a five-minute break here or there.
For an entire day or days, you didn’t allow yourself to rest. You didn’t give your body or your mind a real opportunity to reset. You jumped from task to task, activity to activity, chore to chore, and barely took a moment to stop. You took your shower in a rush (if you got a chance to take it). You barely fed yourself, let alone properly.
This is a guaranteed recipe for disaster and burnout. If this sounds like you, you need to rest! Schedule in some time, EVERY DAY, to get some rest time just for you.
2) You are Not Investing in Yourself!
Maybe on top of not getting much-needed rest, you’re not doing anything for yourself at all. You spend every waking moment doing for everyone else. Cooking, cleaning, serving, playing, etc. But when you look back over your days you realize you didn’t take one minute to do something enjoyable just for you.
You didn’t watch a movie. You didn’t read a book. You didn’t go for a walk. You literally did not do one thing simply to bring yourself joy and peace.
Remember, you are still an individual. You may be a mom, a wife, a homemaker, and a zillion other things. But when you lay your head down at night, you are most certainly just you.
And if you are not pouring into yourself at all, except for a rushed shower, you will not be happy long.
3) You Have a Negative Mindset on Being a SAHM!
Another issue can be that you simply don’t value your role as a stay-at-home mom. If you’ve believed the lie that you are “just a mom”, and allowed that to make you feel less-than, you are not in a good head space. No one can feel truly happy if they feel they are worthless.
If this sounds like you, you’ll need to work on adjusting your mindset and believing that there is so much value in your role as a mom who cares for her family full-time.
Can Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Cause Depression?
So, can being a stay-at-home mom be the cause of your depression?
No, not directly. It’s not directly the choice to be home that causes constant sadness. I would argue that it’s more about how you choose to live/manage your stay-at-home mom life.
It can be easy to allow the not-so-glamorous parts of homemaking to steal your joy. But, you don’t have to allow the tiring parts to suffocate you. You can do things to keep yourself from becoming overwhelmed.
Allowing the unique challenges of a stay-at-home mom life to control how you feel will undoubtedly steal your joy. You have to own the lifestyle and control the challenges.
You may be in a season where you believe that choosing to be a SAHM was the worst thing you ever did. And you’ve allowed yourself to believe that you’re depressed because of this choice.
But I want to challenge you to rethink things. The amazing thing about being a SAHM is that you are in control of how you manage and run your home. For example, being a stay-at-home mom does not necessarily mean you have to be home every single day just sitting around bored with the kids. You can be a stay-at-home mom and get out of the house every day of the week if that’s something you need.
That’s just one example.
As a full-time homemaker, you are in control of how things run in your home. You run the schedule, the routines, the activities, the when and how things happen. Own that.
How to Deal with Stay-at-Home Mom Depression
First, let’s reiterate, that this blog post is not intended to be medical advice of any kind. And if you feel that something is truly wrong, and suspect that true depression is the culprit, it’s best to seek professional medical help.
But for the average stay-at-home mom who may experience depression-like symptoms, let’s dive into some things you can do that might help you get out of this season of sadness.
It’s first important to try to identify what specifically is causing this depression. Is it being home in general? Is it one of the three reasons mentioned above (you’re not resting, you have a negative mindset on being a SAHM, you are not investing in yourself)?
In my experience, when I reach a point where I’m feeling down, depleted, and just over everything SAHM-related, if I do one or more of the following things, I feel so much better. Let’s take a look at some things that might help you get out of this funk.
- Get out of the house ALONE. Take a walk, run to the store, visit a friend.
- Schedule a regular activity that is JUST FOR YOU. A hobby, an event you go to, but make it just for you.
- Find a new purpose. Being a SAHM is an amazing purpose. But maybe you just want something additional that doesn’t involve laundry and changing diapers. No shame in that.
- Get extra pretty. Sometimes being home can make you feel less likely to get dolled up. Make a little extra effort each day to look and feel good.
- Give yourself some frivolous entertainment. Dive into a new TV show, movie, or book series.
- For my Christian moms, pray and fast. God hears our prayers.
These six things have really been life-changing for me. It’s easy to jump to extremes when we are feeling down about being a stay-at-home mom. It’s easy to start thinking maybe we should go back to work, or maybe this life is not for us.
But, the most likely culprit of your sadness has nothing to do with needing to go back to a job, a job that will likely bring you its own set of stresses. Usually, small but consistent changes can make a huge difference in how we feel.
God’s Plan is Not for Mothers to Be Depressed
And finally, for my Christian stay-at-home moms, God did not give us the gift of motherhood only to have it depress us. God did not gift us these children, our homes, and our husbands only for us to be the most stressed when we are home with them.
If God blessed you with babies, why would His will then be for you to be miserable when you decide to care for them full-time?
That is not the will of God. And if we can remember that, we can find comfort in these difficult seasons knowing that God does not intend to leave you there. Our enemy may want that for us because the enemy wants to destroy families. But God’s plan is for us not against us.
Prayer, and communing with the Father, are everything in these seasons. And even though it can seem like He isn’t listening at times, or that He could care less about our small SAHM problems, He does.
Be consistent in your prayer life and consistent in your relationship with Him, and you will see the fruit in your home and with how you feel.
In Conclusion
Stay-at-home mom depression sounds like a made-up term, but I know that a lot of stay-at-home moms are really struggling with joy and contentment. The work of a homemaker is hard, sacrificial work. And it can really take a lot out of a person.
But, just like any job or undertaking, we just need to give it time and find ways to improve our situations. Investigate what is truly causing the sadness, and tackle it.
I think you’ll be surprised to find that something as simple as committing to taking a walk alone every day can make a world of difference. Going to volunteer once every other week could transform your mood. Learning a new skill can really refresh your emotions and give you the peace that you’re seeking.
Being a stay-at-home mom means wearing a lot of hats for everyone in your family. So much so that we often forget to focus on ourselves at all. And essentially, that’s where the danger is. If we completely neglect ourselves, we will flounder.
As we work to make our homes a sanctuary, a place of peaceful dwelling for our families, let’s make sure we’re including ourselves in that as well. Home should also be a peaceful dwelling for you.